I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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