im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
