I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize