Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
