Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
