____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
