Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize