hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
