if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
