my sisters under your porch take her home
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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