I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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