Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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