Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
