bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
