I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
honey bunches of taint.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
