I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
