Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
