I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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