yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
