dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
