so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
