Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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