Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just high enough for therapy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
