I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
