This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
