he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
