he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
