At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
