For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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