My room smells like vodka and shame
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
