this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
