dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
