Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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