glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
