I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
