I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
