Your dad touched me again.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
