and you said cock pushups were impossible
Four minutes until I can fart!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
