I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
