i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
