meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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