OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
