think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
