So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
