So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
