i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
