Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A bitchslap is in order.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
