I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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