Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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