dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
