someone threw a dead crab at me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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