Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
