That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize