you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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