mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
