I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
