I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Welp...herpes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
