he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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