How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize