I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
