You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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