you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
