Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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