Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
