he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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