How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
