I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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