I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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