i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
