I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
