You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
