Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
