I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
